So ... I have something to say ... and I'm serious- please don't make fun. I'm so unhappy. I want to cry. And it's stupid. I know it is. But I want to all the same.

I gave my Turtles to my dad to use. No biggie. Wipe everything, here you go. And then he says, "so can we take this turtle sticker off?" What was I supposed to say? No? He's going to take this to business meetings, he can't have a turtle on there.

But it's my Maui turtle. I got it in Maui. It's the reason Turtles is Turtles. He moves like fucking molasses but he's a sweetie and I love him.

I thought, it's okay. I'll peel it off real nice and I'll stick it in my journal. So I never forget. I forget things real easy, I always paste in important things that might warp in my head over time. I was all right with that. It was kind of like, I dunno, burying Turtles in my memories, there forever.

And then ... gods ... I was trying to peel it off, right, and I don't know what happened, but Turtles' head came off, and the rest just sort of fell apart and balled up, and now he's in the trash.

A while back, when I thought I'd lost Turtles, I cried so hard -- cried like I had when I lost my grandma. I know it's stupid but my life was on there. My writing is my everything and Turtles was my doorway, my means to my destination. It felt like my soul had gotten ripped out.

This is worse, somehow, because this time I'm the one who did the destroying. Turtles isn't Turtles anymore. He's just a ... a lappie, an old HP clunker.

I feel like I lost a friend and I'm miserable.

Don't get me wrong, I love Moxy (my new computer) to death ... she's a badass computer. But it's sort of like we're new friends. I'd be pissed if she vanished because I spent so much money on her, and disappointed too, because she's so awesome, but ... I don't know. I doubt I'd be as shaken as when I put Turtles' sticker in the trash.

THIS IS SO STUPID. They're just computers.

Better than cats, I suppose.